Dating, A Re-cap

Why am I annoyed? Because I know better than to make the same mistakes and I did it anyway. There's no teacher with a firmer hand than experience, and experience tells me that I should stay away from anything I do this badly. I'm listening when I should be watching, daydreaming when I should be thinking. I know there are rules to the game, but I can never seem to follow them. It seems to silly to to anything so important in such a sideways fashion. It's like trying to climb a mountain by going in an upward spiral all the way around revolution after revolution. That makes no sense to me. Maybe it's hubris, but it seems like you should pick the best route you can, be as equiped and prepared as you can, and climb.

I didn't get into this because I need a relationship, time has shown that I do well with fairly minimal human contact. She started it, and it seemed like we had enough in common, we get each other's jokes, and we have fun. And I thought I might be able to be a sturdy, useful thing for her and her kid. Silly me. I should have been thinking about the fact that over all the years I've know this woman she's pretty much always had a boyfriend. She's jumping from rock to rock keeping her feet dry. She wants the boyfriend role filled but it doesn't matter that much who fills it. If one doesn't work out, there's always the next one. I'm not that special.

I never should have sent her flowers or let her know I was interested in more dates, much less offering to ride along an hour and a half each way when she visited someone in the hospital so she could have company if she wanted. I might as well just tape a 'welcome' mat on my back. It's stupid, but that's how it works.

Anyway, I seem to need to keep learning the same lessons the hard way, but I think I've got it this time. The stove is really hot, stop touching it. That's not doing anybody any good.